While you're queueing for a copy of Dan Brown's latest blockbuster novel, don't miss Michael Deacon's tribute to the renowned wordsmith in the Telegraph.

Renowned author Dan Brown got out of his luxurious four-poster bed in his expensive $10 million house and paced the bedroom, using the feet located at the ends of his two legs to propel him forwards. He knew he shouldnt care what a few jealous critics thought. His new book Inferno was coming out on Tuesday, and the 480-page hardback published by Doubleday with a recommended US retail price of $29.95 was sure to be a hit. Wasnt it?

Ill call my agent, pondered the prosperous scribe. He reached for the telephone using one of his two hands. Hello, this is renowned author Dan Brown, spoke renowned author Dan Brown. I want to talk to literary agent John Unconvincingname.

Looks like all you Dante fans will have something to move on to when you've reached the end of your journey through the afterlife.(Previously in the Telegraph: this list of Brown's twenty worst sentences, which you may have read about at dotCommonweal.)